In just a few years, Are We Dating The Same Guy? has grown from a single Facebook group in New York City to a global network with millions of members. The idea is simple: women share information about men they’ve dated to warn others of red flags.
At the center of it all is Paola Sanchez, a 29-year-old who launched the first group in 2022. What began as a safety tool quickly spread across hundreds of cities, bringing Sanchez unexpected visibility and legal battles.
To supporters, AWDTSG is a lifeline that helps women avoid toxic or dangerous relationships. To critics, it’s an unchecked gossip machine that can unfairly ruin reputations. Sanchez now finds herself caught between these two worlds: praised as a protector, criticized as the face of controversy.
Early Life & Motivation
Paola Sanchez grew up in a working-class immigrant family. Her parents came from Ecuador, and she was the first in her family to graduate from college. After earning her degree, she returned home to live with her mother while balancing side jobs and a small business to cover expenses.
Life was modest, but the idea that would change her future was simple. In early 2022, inspired by viral dating stories like the “West Elm Caleb” saga where women publicly warned each other about a man’s repeated bad behavior Sanchez decided to create a private Facebook group. The purpose was straightforward: give women a safe space to share information about men they were seeing, so no one would be left in the dark about red flags.
That first group launched in New York City in March 2022. What began as an experiment from her phone quickly struck a nerve. Women invited friends, posts poured in, and within weeks, membership was growing faster than she could have imagined.
The Birth of AWDTSG
The first New York group took off faster than Paola Sanchez expected. By word of mouth alone, thousands of women joined within weeks. They weren’t just curious they were eager to share screenshots, swap stories, and quietly warn others.
Soon, copycat groups popped up in other cities. Rather than let the idea splinter, Sanchez moved quickly. She created official chapters, each with the same name and the same rules: no doxxing, no bullying, anonymous posts allowed. Volunteer admins hundreds of them, spread across different cities helped approve new members and keep order.
The formula worked. By late 2022, nearly every major U.S. city had a chapter. By 2023, the network had spread to London, Toronto, Sydney, and beyond. Women described it as a digital sisterhood: a place to find out if the man you just matched with was also dating three others, or if someone had a darker history that apps never reveal.
But alongside success came controversy. Not every post was a clear-cut warning. Some were half-baked stories, others were petty digs. For the women, it felt empowering. For some men, it felt like trial by internet with no right to respond.
Building an Empire
As the groups exploded, Sanchez realized the network needed structure. She incorporated a company, Spill The Tea, Inc., and filed to trademark the name Are We Dating The Same Guy? This gave the brand a legal backbone and a way to protect it from imitators.
At the same time, she looked beyond Facebook. Relying on one platform was risky groups could be shut down overnight, or lawsuits could put them in jeopardy. The answer was an app. Together with a developer, Sanchez built the AWDTSG mobile app, designed with extra safety features: anonymous posting, screenshot-blocking, and tighter privacy controls.
Funding it all wasn’t easy. Sanchez said she didn’t want to charge women for access, so she turned to crowdfunding. A GoFundMe campaign and a Patreon brought in tens of thousands of dollars. Supporters saw it as a way to keep the movement alive; critics questioned where the money was going.
By 2024, the app was in beta, the trademark was filed, and AWDTSG had grown into a global brand. What started as one Facebook group in her bedroom was now an international operation with Paola Sanchez at its center.
Legal Storms
With growth came backlash. By 2024, the groups weren’t just a private sisterhood they were front-page news. And lawyers were paying attention.
In Chicago, a man named Nikko D’Ambrosio sued after women in an AWDTSG group called him “clingy” and a “ghoster.” He claimed screenshots about him were fake, and that his reputation was wrecked. His lawsuit named 27 women, Facebook’s parent company Meta, and Paola Sanchez herself. A judge tossed it on a technicality, but D’Ambrosio quickly re-filed as a class-action. This time, Sanchez and her company were front and center, accused of running a network that spreads defamation.
On the West Coast, Los Angeles man Stuart Murray launched his own case. He sued nine women for posts in the local group and demanded $2.6 million. Some of his claims were later struck down under California’s free-speech protections, but the case still made national headlines.
For Sanchez, the lawsuits marked a turning point. She had gone from running Facebook groups on her phone to defending herself and her movement in court. To her supporters, these suits were intimidation tactics. To her critics, they proved the groups had crossed a line.
Praise & Backlash
For many women, AWDTSG feels like a lifeline. They credit the groups with saving them from cheaters, abusers, or just wasting time on someone who wasn’t honest. Posts often end with thank-yous: “You saved me from him.” That sense of solidarity is what keeps millions of members coming back.
But the flip side is harder to ignore. Some groups have turned mean, with posts mocking men’s looks, jobs, or habits. Others spread half-true stories that stick long after they’re proven wrong. Men who say they were unfairly targeted describe it as being put on trial without defense an accusation seen by thousands, impossible to erase.
Even inside the network, cracks have shown. Some volunteer moderators resigned, saying they were uncomfortable with how big and chaotic things had become. Others accused Sanchez of running the groups too tightly, censoring criticism and focusing on the brand’s image instead of transparency.
The result is a movement both celebrated and condemned praised for protecting women, blasted for ruining men. And standing in the middle is Paola Sanchez, praised as a pioneer by some, vilified as an enabler by others.
Leadership Style
Paola Sanchez runs AWDTSG like someone who never asked for the spotlight. She rarely gives interviews, avoids TV appearances, and prefers to speak through group posts or the official website. When the media comes calling, she usually declines.
Behind the scenes, though, she is everywhere. Sanchez is listed in nearly every city chapter and stays connected to the hundreds of volunteer admins who keep things running. To prevent bias or angry men from showing up at moderators’ doors she set up a system where women often moderate groups in cities other than their own.
Her approach is part protector, part gatekeeper. She emphasizes safety features like anonymous posting, while also enforcing strict rules against leaks or questioning leadership inside the groups. Supporters see a founder shielding her community. Critics see someone too controlling, worried more about the brand than the members.
What’s clear is that Sanchez carries both the weight and the risk of the entire network. She’s the figure everyone points to whether in gratitude for creating a sisterhood, or in lawsuits blaming her for its fallout.
The Future of AWDTSG
The road ahead is uncertain. Lawsuits in Illinois and California are still winding their way through the courts. A single ruling could set a precedent that changes how online communities like AWDTSG operate or shut them down altogether.
At the same time, Sanchez is betting on technology to secure the movement’s future. The AWDTSG mobile app, now live in the U.S. and Canada, is her backup plan if Facebook ever pulls the plug. With features like screenshot-blocking and tighter privacy, it’s designed to keep the community safer and harder to attack from the outside.
But big questions remain. Can AWDTSG keep growing without turning into the very gossip machine its critics describe? Will members continue to trust Sanchez’s leadership if controversies pile up? And can one woman carry the weight of a global network while fending off legal firestorms?
For now, the groups are still thriving, still expanding, and still sparking debate. The future of AWDTSG and of Paola Sanchez herself hinges on whether it can remain a tool for protection, or whether the risks will finally outweigh the rewards.
Paola Sanchez never set out to be the face of a global movement. Yet from one Facebook group, she now leads a network that millions of women rely on and millions more debate.
Whether AWDTSG is remembered as a safety net or a gossip machine will depend on what happens next. For now, Sanchez remains at the center: admired, criticized, and unwilling to step aside.
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